VIVIEN ADAMIAN
Follicular
You text jane:
I’m feeling an implacable feeling
it’s like I’m feeling nothing
You gather the facts:
you woke up at 6am
which is 4am in LA,
where lesbians look at you
and smile instead of disappearing flightily
around corners
where the poet laureate of SF
with his little baby in his lap said,
Whatever’s left on the plate of imperialism
will for sure be devoured by this one
where you write things like,
I always mistook the stillness of cowboys
for gentleness
when it’s really just
thinly veiled violence
Somehow, at 3pm in Chicago
you’re still energetic, you think
I’ll go somewhere and write!
You text everyone
and how can no one reply when you are so abundant?
So healthy you are more than alive
how can no one respond when nothing hurts
when you need them
not pathetically but just to share
this miraculous absence of suffering?
On the way home you stop at the expensive pub
You sit at the bar
Your body in perfect equilibrium with the world
and write a poem about spring,
like some knockoff Frank O’Hara:
Dry dry dry
like the bush that burned
Now baby-like
green leaves
Who’s he fooling?
By the magnolias
budding
This pigeon thinks he’s a peacock
Spring is all pretending
Pretending
You track your cycle by counting
how many days since the full moon
You’re in the follicular phase
the AI overview tells you
this phase is linked with a boost
in mood, energy, and motivation
That’s gotta be it, you think
You text jane,
This has gotta be it
I’m follicular
At home you lay down because it feels
so fucking good and for the next four hours you try
not to call your suffering ex and say,
Want me to come over
and make you feel better?
Want me to? I feel so good I’ve got
plenty to share...
and you can’t even get off
because there is no fantasy
so what is
this feeling
And then
actually the light
is too bright and
when you close your eyes
blue and green
visions and when you open them
Joni Mitchell’s face
on the CD stand
How can I sleep now, you think
how can I sleep now
when I’m so awake?
Vivien Adamian is a writer, artist, and zinester from Glendale, CA. She is pursuing an MFA in Writing from the School of the Arts Institute of Chicago. Her writing has appeared in the Qafiyah Review, and her publications have been acquired by the Joan Flasch Artist Book Collection.
